The Soft Landing – Caregiving Guide

Walk Into The Sunset

We’re going to need to reverse engineer your death. Not today. Eventually. Right now you are caring for someone. Chances are if you are reading this, you have a second occupation: labor love caring for a vulnerable family member. This person’s health is declining and requires your supervision to keep them here. You are their son, their granddaughter, younger brother, and niece. For the majority of your relationship the person you are the caregiver for now, held a position of authority; over you. You trusted them to guide you, set context, explain boundaries, role model common sense and hold you accountable. Now with every increasing day you find the person you are caregiving for is no longer in charge. They are grappling with this concept to the best and worst of their abilities.

For two decades of my adult life I was a caregiver to two parents. Each parent had their own illnesses, symptoms, treatments, challenges, hang ups, residence, legal status, bank account and assets. When I began this journey I knew nothing. Now that I am at the tail end, thinking about the distant future it is my time, I realize how much I know. I am reverse engineering my death to make caregiving as seamless and easy for my children as possible.

I do not do well with boxes. I love to compartmentalize both emotionally and in organizing items. I am good at labels. I just don’t fit in one box. I am authoring. I am entrepreneurship. I am innovation. I am oration. I am unity. Since I was sixteen I was fascinated with the construction, maintenance and creation of ecosystems; art ecosystems, then industries and now planetary. I find my best work is around places, spaces and faces. To stay active and sharp I ensure that I am never the smartest in the room. Most of my closest friends are engineers. They build tech companies, robots, lasers, bridges and dwellings. Those who are not builders are designers. They think about processes, fixtures, usability, access and equity. Most of them are martial artists or are two degrees from serving in the special forces. I talk a lot but around them I just listen and ask questions. They wound the threads in my black belts. When it comes to caring for a parent and family member, they come to me to design and build the system. Collectively we want to build one for you and the person you love.